My Scarred Shooting Star

I had always looked at those girls, the ones that seemed to give their heart away to every boy the met. The ones that were always crying in the hallway, so upset that the boy hadn't returned the love they had so graciously given away. I promised myself I would never let a boy hurt me the way those girls had hurt, I would never let someone affect me, never allow myself to need someone.

Then he came into my life. It was like a bright shooting star, forcing me to look at the night sky even though I had so many things to deal with here on the ground. I could feel him as soon as I walked into the room, an electric current I could feel under my skin, something I had never felt before. Something I didn't even know could exist until that moment. I tried to ignore it, brush it off as just another hopeless cause, something else that I wouldn't be able to have. Just something else nice to look at.

His eyes met mine and I realized that my heart had been practicing flips while I had been dreaming, preparing for this moment when it executed the perfect form, it would've received a flawless ten if there had been judges, but there was only me and I had to hold my breath to keep from gasping out loud.

Then I found myself running after the shooting star, afraid that it would disappear from the sky forever, something that if I had been in my right mind I would've never done, knowing that they always disappear all too quickly.

"You're cute." He said, his arms wrapped so solidly around me and I could've died like that, perfectly happy and without regrets. I managed to wiggle closer to him, taking in his sweet scent and wishing nothing more than to lay there for eternity. "I can feel your heart beating." he whispered into my ear, and the chills that racked down my back made me grin.

"I can feel yours too," I whispered back, placing a hand on his chest.

"What's it like?" he wondered aloud, his eyes searching my features, his breathing so steady he could've been asleep. I laid my head where his heart lurked, determined to answer the question out of my own curiosity.

"It's strong and steady. Like it's determined to live forever." I said after listening to it's rhythmic pounding for a comfortable stretch of time. He closed his eyes at that, satisfied with the answer but seeing no reason to comment on it, and the silence was very loud with our hearts beating in their own patterns of life, completely different yet in tune with each other.

He kissed me then, and it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. His touch was gentle and soft, as if he squeezed me too hard or moved too quickly I would surely shatter beneath him. My cheeks blushed with warmth and my stomach twisted with delight, and I smiled, unable to keep it back and he leaned away with a crooked grin.

"I like your lips," he said then snatched another kiss, this one just as sweet as the one before.

"They like you too." I whispered in between the kisses. Simple, sweet, not demanding. Easy. It was like breathing, everything seemed so natural and perfect, I couldn't have created a more satisfying experience. The best part was that it was with him, though. I had finally obtained something that I never thought I could get away with.

But that's the problem with shooting stars, they continue on their path through the sky no matter how much you wish you could follow them, or keep them lingering there, they shoot off into oblivion anyway. My shooting star did exactly what should've been expected of it to do, it shot off and I only had it in my sight for a blink of an eye. I wish I never would've blinked. I wish I had kept my eyes open forever, more than that, though, I wish that my shooting star would've fallen. I wish it would've fallen right at my feet so that I could've kept it forever.

"There's a lot about me you don't know." The text read and I wished that I was listening to his voice instead of just reading his words.

"I know...but I want to know, if you'll let me. There's a lot about me you don't know either." I responded, my heart already throbbing with fear. My hands were shaking and I was desperate to keep my shooting star in sight.

"No, I mean there's a lot of shit you don't want to know." his words made me want to run to him. Recklessly, thoughtlessly, I wanted to run to him. Feel his lips on mine again, hear his heart thudding so perfectly in his chest, to inhale his unique scent and just have his arms around me one more time.

"It's alright...you don't have to tell me. But you shouldn't be so hard on yourself." I said, trying to be cool, trying so hard to not offend him or do anything that would send him into the night sky faster than he was already heading.

"No, I should be." I didn't know what to say, all I knew was that I didn't care. I didn't care about what he had done, I didn't care that he was flawed, I didn't expect him to be perfect. I just wanted him to trust me, to trust that I wouldn't hurt him, that I would treat him as gently as he had treated me. I didn't ever want to snuff out his beautiful light.

"You should stop giving yourself less credit than you deserve. You're worth it. You shouldn't let yourself tell you you're not." I had said what I thought I needed to say, something that would help him have hope in himself again, something that I wished so desperately that he would see. That he was worth it.

Without another kiss, a goodbye, or another word my shooting star flickered and shot straight out of the sky. Into the oblivion I would've gladly followed him into. I've been watching the sky, hoping that maybe he would shoot back across. But shooting stars don't work that way, and the hope I had for his light to keep me warm has long since shriveled and died somewhere in that dark night sky. All I'm left with is my thudding heart, it's broken pattern and quick beats will never measure up to the ghost of his strong determined ones, but I'm alright with having the taste of his lips stained on mine forever if it helps me remember the light he put across my starless sky.