Addie-
They won't let me call you. The operators said that you had blocked your number- that you had specifically asked them to not connect you to anyone that tried to get through. Okay. I get that you don't want to talk to me, or at least I'm trying to. I wish you would have written me and told me that yourself. I shouldn't expect that from you, but I did. I thought you were dead, at first. I thought that the war had gotten over there and that- that maybe those bastards had snatched you up too. The thought of that, God, Addie it makes me sick to my stomach. You should've told me that you were done with me.. Instead I was left there, screaming into the pay phone while half the town is up in smoke. I thought that was going to be the last time I would ever be able to call you. They were so close, Addie. They took my whole squad and half the calvary. I was in the intensive care unit for a few days- which is how I got the time to write you. One of the slimy monsters got me with their poison probe. I was really sick, and all I could think about was your brown hair and those perfect emerald eyes. I love you. I love you more than anything, more than that old pickup truck back home I spent all my time on. More than every sunset I spent climbing up to the top of the mountain to watch. More than anything. Really. That doesn't mean much now, I know, but I figure you should hear it again because some how I feel like you're gonna speak to me again. Write me back. Maybe if I say it enough you'll understand. Maybe it'll seep down into your bones like it does into mine.
I can only imagine that you're not speaking to me because I was wrong. So god damn wrong Addie, I was. I'm admitting that to you now. Groveling to your feet in this letter because I wish I would have never come out here. I wish I could take it back. Playing War of the Worlds with real guns, it seemed so cool at the time. But I was just a kid, Addie! We were both just kids. How was I supposed to know the horrors? War, blood, death. It's everywhere and we don't even know what we're up against. I wish you would talk to me. To hear your voice one more time would mean the world to me. It's stupid, you know, that you aren't talking to me because I came out here. I know you didn't want me to go, to die out here, but I didn't think I would. It doesn't matter now, though.
They're sending more, the enemy that is. We're starting to understand their language, the bases are decoding it and feeding us the news. Soon they'll be swarming Earth. You won't be safe in America, or France, or Australia or any other place your parents have the money to ship you. Nobody will be safe. I guess you're one of the first ones to know this, whether you believe me or not- it hasn't made world news yet. They're trying to keep down the panic, keep everyone sane as long as possible. I don't really know why I'm telling you this, except to say that I wish I were with you. I wish we were spending the last few moments together instead of me out here in the cold dirt and slime wondering when it will be my turn to get harvested or split open from the mouth down. I know you're mad at me, in your eyes I left you. Abandoned you. But I didn't, Addie. I was trying to fight for you. I'm only out here fighting these god damned aliens because I wanted you to be safe. For us to have some chance at living a normal life together in the future, can't you see that?
They won't let me call you. The operators said that you had blocked your number- that you had specifically asked them to not connect you to anyone that tried to get through. Okay. I get that you don't want to talk to me, or at least I'm trying to. I wish you would have written me and told me that yourself. I shouldn't expect that from you, but I did. I thought you were dead, at first. I thought that the war had gotten over there and that- that maybe those bastards had snatched you up too. The thought of that, God, Addie it makes me sick to my stomach. You should've told me that you were done with me.. Instead I was left there, screaming into the pay phone while half the town is up in smoke. I thought that was going to be the last time I would ever be able to call you. They were so close, Addie. They took my whole squad and half the calvary. I was in the intensive care unit for a few days- which is how I got the time to write you. One of the slimy monsters got me with their poison probe. I was really sick, and all I could think about was your brown hair and those perfect emerald eyes. I love you. I love you more than anything, more than that old pickup truck back home I spent all my time on. More than every sunset I spent climbing up to the top of the mountain to watch. More than anything. Really. That doesn't mean much now, I know, but I figure you should hear it again because some how I feel like you're gonna speak to me again. Write me back. Maybe if I say it enough you'll understand. Maybe it'll seep down into your bones like it does into mine.
I can only imagine that you're not speaking to me because I was wrong. So god damn wrong Addie, I was. I'm admitting that to you now. Groveling to your feet in this letter because I wish I would have never come out here. I wish I could take it back. Playing War of the Worlds with real guns, it seemed so cool at the time. But I was just a kid, Addie! We were both just kids. How was I supposed to know the horrors? War, blood, death. It's everywhere and we don't even know what we're up against. I wish you would talk to me. To hear your voice one more time would mean the world to me. It's stupid, you know, that you aren't talking to me because I came out here. I know you didn't want me to go, to die out here, but I didn't think I would. It doesn't matter now, though.
They're sending more, the enemy that is. We're starting to understand their language, the bases are decoding it and feeding us the news. Soon they'll be swarming Earth. You won't be safe in America, or France, or Australia or any other place your parents have the money to ship you. Nobody will be safe. I guess you're one of the first ones to know this, whether you believe me or not- it hasn't made world news yet. They're trying to keep down the panic, keep everyone sane as long as possible. I don't really know why I'm telling you this, except to say that I wish I were with you. I wish we were spending the last few moments together instead of me out here in the cold dirt and slime wondering when it will be my turn to get harvested or split open from the mouth down. I know you're mad at me, in your eyes I left you. Abandoned you. But I didn't, Addie. I was trying to fight for you. I'm only out here fighting these god damned aliens because I wanted you to be safe. For us to have some chance at living a normal life together in the future, can't you see that?
I was wrong. Wrong
in so many ways. This is bigger than you, than me, than the whole
fucking planet. In the end, Addie, I guess I just wanted you to know
that I never stopped loving you, even after you seemed to dismiss me.
It hurts, but if I died to postpone the death of the world, fine. I
did it for you, whether you see it or not. I hope you'll find it in
your heart to write me back if you're safe, even if you don't love me
back. Just a simple “I'm fine,” would do. Well, I guess this is
your soldier signing off, Addison Reakley. I love you. I hope you
remember that.
Your fighting husband,
Jonathan Reakley
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